Saoirse placed her hand on Walter's across the table. Once again he felt the intensity of her touch. Her skin seemed to have a softness beyond comparison and he could feel an energy flowing from her fingertips. It entered his body and made his spine tingle. Soon his joyful tears subsided. He wiped away the last tears with his other hand and looked into Saoirse's eyes. He could not keep it up for long. It was like looking with naked eyes into the sun. The brilliance of her deep serenity and powerful love was hard to behold and soon he felt compelled to look down at the table. Saoirse understood this well and as he looked down, she squeezed his hand to comfort him.
Their moment of intimacy was rudely interrupted as the heckler Sean O'Gill staggered over to where they were sitting. With his right hand he slammed a half-drunk pint of Guinness onto the table and then raised himself out of his hunched posture.
"Oi moight have known, Saoirse. A new man in town, ya can't wait to get yer paws on him. Ya feckin' whoore."
A wave of anger suddenly swept through Walter and he made to stand up, ready to defend his companions honour, but Saoirse held his hand tightly to prevent him.
"Have you finished, Sean?" Saoirse said with a quiet calmness that seemed to suck in and silence the clamour around them. O'Gill was dumbstruck for a moment, but seeing that he had sparked a reaction in Walter, he decided to change his point of attack.
"Yer wastin' yer toime wid dis tramp, Sasanach. Yer happy cow won't be able to help ya once she has finished wid ya. Oi'm not usually one for helping the loikes of you, but take a bit of advoice from me, elf-boy. Walk away whoile you're still standing, before she brings ya to yer knees."
Saoirse continued to hold tightly onto Walter's hand, dissuading him from rising to confront the provocation. Every fibre of Walter's body urged him to do something. He began to speak but Saoirse quickly interrupted.
"Have you finished, Sean?" Her powerful stillness once again seemed to suck in all the tension that pervaded the air and Walter found himself relaxing. He noticed that the clamour of the pub had fallen silent and that many faces had turned to watch the scene. Magic Dara walked over to stand behind Saoirse.
"Come on, Sean." Dara said with a voice which carried the same power as Saoirse's. "You will not remember this in the morning but I don't think you will be short of people who will remind you. Don't make it any worse for yourself." Dara looked straight into O'Gill's eyes and held his gaze until O'Gill could not stand it any longer. He looked down, his body hunched once more and he reached to retrieve his pint from the table. But before he reached it, Dara caught him with his gaze once more, stopping him in his tracks. Then with the slightest movement of his eyes, Dara reminded O'Gill of the way to the exit, and O'Gill turned and shuffled out, muttering obscenities to himself under his breath. Gradually the onlookers turned away and the noise of the pub gradually returned to its former volume.
Magic Dara returned to the bar and Walter turned to face Saoirse.
"How can you just sit there? How can you let him insult you like that?"
"Insult me?" Saoirse answered. "Sean can't insult me. He does not know me. If he did, he would not be so unhappy. He would not need to abuse his body loike dat. He would not carry such anger. If he knew me, den he would know himself and he would be free from dat pain. He is insulting his moind's idea of me, dat is all. He's insulting a fictional character. Now, why d'ya tink Oi would want to spend moy toime defending a figment of Sean's imagination?"
"Does that not make you angry at all, not even a little bit?" Walter asked further, incredulous. "What about all these people? What about your reputation? If it's a fiction, don't you want to put him straight, tell him who you really are?"
"Who Oi really am? Are you so sure dat is something dat can be told, Walter? You too have much to learn about me." Saoirse answered enigmatically. She looked Walter in the eye and gave him a smile which left him in no doubt about whether she was feeling any anger. Then she leaned across and ran her fingers through Walter's hair and softly kissed his lips. A wave of elation swept quickly down Walter's body, finally making his toes tingle. "Maybe Oi'll see ya tomorrow, Walt." She rose smoothly to her feet and glided towards the exit, her elegant presence once again turning many heads like a powerful magnet. Walter sat quite still for a moment, touching the silence behind the pub's noise, clearly feeling his own heart beating inside his chest, until eventually he realised that he had stopped breathing and a long, sharp in-breath shook him out of his reverie.
Finding himself alone, Walter wandered over to the table where Seamus was sitting and once again found Seamus drawing in listeners as he embarked upon another of his enthralling tales. There were no seats to be taken so Walter stood within earshot, trying to pick up the yarn, but he was finding it difficult to concentrate. He looked at all the empty glasses on the table and reckoned that Seamus was probably intent on another full day's liquid entertainment. He did not know whether he was up for this. His stomach churned a little at the thought. Not wanting to disturb Seamus in full flow, Walter went over to the bar and asked Dara if he could let Seamus know that he would look for him at home or in the pub later in the day.
After thanking Dara for his generous hospitality, Walter exited the pub and headed towards the spiral staircase that Saoirse had shown him earlier. Taking it a little slower than the last time, he scaled the stairs until he once again found himself on the ledge overlooking the rolling Irish countryside. He sat down with his back against the steep mountain side and began to drink in the view once more. He was not picking out features in the landscape, but rather taking it all in as a whole, his eyes not focusing. It was patchwork of different shades of green, brown, red and gold, uneven and undulating, like the quilt of a giant too carefree to make his bed. Then Walter's attention was drawn to the horizon. His high position on the ledge meant that he could discern a slight curvature to the Earth. Suddenly he got a sense of the vastness of the planet and his smallness in comparison. He imagined the ground curving away, on and on for thousands of miles until eventually that curve returned behind him to complete an immense planetary circle. At that moment the sun broke through the clouds, reminding Walter that the immensity of the planet was insignificant in comparison to the immensity of the sun, and that the sun was just one of innumerable stars in innumerable galaxies.
A feeling of overwhelming despair overcame Walter as he contemplated his own tiny insignificance in this vastness. But it lasted only a few seconds. Then Walter suddenly felt as if he was outside of his body looking back at himself sitting on the ledge. The ledge seemed to be moving further away, as if he were hanging on the tail of a bird that was flying away from it. Soon he could not make out his body or the ledge, but only the mountain. Faster and faster he seemed to travel. Up up and away. He was above the clouds and then he was in space looking down on the globe. Still his speed increased until the Earth became just a speck in the distance and the Sun passed by him, retreating into the distance until it looked like a night time star. Faster and faster. Galaxies whizzed past so fast that he could barely make out their shape and still he travelled. Then all was blackness, void except for a tiny pinpoint of light in front of Walter. That tiny pinpoint contained the light of the entire visible universe and yet Walter was beyond it. He tried to reach out for the light, but he did not have a hand with which to reach, he did not have a body at all. Then the realisation came. He contained it all.
Then whoosh! At an unimaginable speed Walter zoomed back into the point of light. It was as if the pinpoint suddenly underwent a colossal explosion. Light whizzed past him and he hurtled back towards the Earth, towards Ireland and towards the mountain. He felt a feeling which reminded him of records that he had heard in which the sound of clashing cymbals is played backwards. Then he found himself once more back in his body, once more looking out through familiar eyes over the countryside. The feeling of despair had vanished, replaced by a feeling of immense serenity and peace. He was back in his body but he could not feel it. He could not feel his back against the wall or his buttocks against the stone floor. It felt as if he was levitating just a couple of inches of the ground, although when he checked with his eyes, there was no gap. Then he remembered the question that Saoirse had asked him earlier: are you sure 'who I really am' is something that can be told?
Here Walter was, sitting alone on a mountain side. He had sat alone many times since his break up with Tallina, feeling deep anguish and pain, hiding away from the cruel and unjust world that he thought had brought that pain to him. But now there was a difference. Now he felt completely free, whole and complete. Now he realised a wonderful revelation. Bursting out of the utter despair of his perceived aloneness, he had suddenly realised the unmistakably beautiful reality of all-oneness.
Walter had no idea how long he sat on the mountain side for. It seemed as if no time had passed at all, but now he was gazing at a spectacular orange-red sunset. Inside he felt a strong urge to move. He rose to his feet, almost unable to feel his body. He stepped with a new lightness and grace towards the staircase. He descended the stairs back into the cavern and began to make his way back to Magic Dara's to see whether Seamus was still there.
Then some way off, Walter noticed two figures sitting on a large stone bench that had been carved next to one of the many paths which criss-crossed the cavern. He recognised one of the figures as Saoirse, but could not make out the other. He felt compelled to approach them and as he got nearer, he realised that the second figure was Sean O'Gill. O'Gill appeared completely distraught. He was crying uncontrollably as Saoirse held his head against her breast and gently and rhythmically stroked his hair. Only a few hours earlier, Walter had been ready to fight with this man. But now he felt an overwhelming sense of understanding and compassion. He went and sat down on the bench next to O'Gill and put his hand on his back, rubbing gently. O'Gill looked up momentarily at Walter and then quickly began to sob even harder. Walter put his arm around his shoulder, saying nothing.
Then he looked into Saoirse's eyes. Something had changed. Now Walter was able hold her gaze, unabashed, and there they sat looking into each others eyes, patiently waiting as O'Gill let out all his repressed emotion.
A tear started to roll down Saoirse's cheek. Now Walter could hold her gaze, she knew that he must have had a taste of true freedom.
Although each tale stands on it own, Elf Tales is a series of stories best read from the beginning so that you get to know the colourful characters. To read more in the series, click here.
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