Hello Audrey
Thank you very much for your letter. I appreciate you trusting enough to share with me.
First and foremost, you are not responsible for others' feelings. They are. Take responsibility for your own happiness and happy relationships happen automatically, with no effort. This does not mean relationships in which all is sweet and pleasant and rosy at all times. It simply means relationships which you happily and unconditionally accept with all their varied complexity.
The last line of your letter is very significant. You have written 'I need options'. I would suggest that being unable to fully choose between two or more options is at the root cause of your problem. You appear to be torn between what you perceive as your 'needs' and what you perceive as her 'needs'.
In reality, neither of these are needs. They are just wants based on arbitrary judgement.
And that leads us on to comparison or judgement, which are the sole cause of all human 'problems'. Notice how many comparisons there are in your letter. Notice the word 'because'. This 'because' idea is always based on an arbitrary judgement. Your 'because' is made up. It is made up by you. You do not have to make that 'because' up at all.
She is an extrovert and you are an intovert. So what?
She becomes angry sometimes, you become tired of her sometimes. So what?
You sometimes do not understand. She sometimes doesn't like that. So what?
Why do you need to 'handle her' at all? Did you apply for the job?
Love is total acceptance, non-judgement, non-comparison. That is why it is described as unconditional. There are NO conditions. None. You do not have to fulfill anyone's expectations and they do not have to fulfill yours either.
If you are finding it hard to accept your sister exactly as she is without feeling any need to try to 'fix' her, then take a look at where your judgements and comparisons are coming from. Are they necessary? Do they help anyone?
The moment you drop the judgement and the comparison, the moment you move to unconditional love, total acceptance of yourself and your sister exactly as you are, you will be surprised to notice that all the tension you have described to us effortlessly and instantly dissolves.
The world is as it is. You are as you are. She is as she is. There is nothing to fix. Nothing is broken. Nothing ever has been. Nothing ever can be. Wonderful variety abounds. Life would be incredibly dull if it did not.
As the French have been known to say: 'Vive la difference!"
You may also find the following articles interesting: Most Unique | Zero Tolerance | Thank You Disillusionment | Response Ability
Much love to you, Audrey. Moo!
Happy Cow
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