Dear Happy Cow
Since my last letter to you I have asked my husband to leave. He has a few weeks to get some money together for a
deposit on a new place. I have never been cynical about love and such things but in truth... I am now
thinking I could never go into another relationship after all that has happened. I'd be too scared to trust
anyone not to turn on me half way through! I have the capacity to love friends and family but the love you
carry inside you for that extra special someone has been all used up and in truth, if I am blatantly honest
with you, I don't want to give mine again. It's too precious and people just don't look after such things anymore.
I gave 16 years of mine unconditionally for it to be trampled, used, beaten and screwed up and thrown away. Still
to this day, he declares undying love - well I have to protect myself now and that means (for me at least) shut
down and lock away love and throw away the key - never to be retrieved!
What I fear most for myself is that I will need the intimacy and connection with another and I dread that I
might start throwing hmy love around in a physical manner to replace my need for the real deal. It is such a
scary time in my life I am 36, have 2 children and the love of my life from when I was just a young girl has
destroyed a love that I truly gave. 100% in and unequivacably thought was eternal! Have to say I have never
felt so alone or disconnected in this life ever! I heard this in a film yesterday and it is very much how I
feel at the moment:
"As a child all I ever wanted to do was be an adult and all grown up - Now I am an adult and can do as I wish
and have never felt so childlike and vunerable in my life!"
It maybe isn't word for word but it is exactly as I feel. God knows what my kids must think of me at the moment
and how the hell am I to be any use to them as I am! What a complete idiot I must sound.
Jane, Glasgow
Read Happy Cow's reply >>
If you are in need of some advice and think Happy Cow may be able to help, please e-mail her at:
advice@happycow.org.uk.
Get a regular dose of happiness in your e-mail inbox when you sign up for Happy Cow's Weekly Moos e-mail newsletter!
Join the Happy Cow Facebook Group!
[Unfortunately, JS-Kit Comments have moved onto pastures new and can no longer supply us with their rather brilliant comments widget. Ah, well! Maybe one day another splendid and free widget will wander this way. Until then, please feel free to shout at us by clicking the 'Contact Us' button above.]
|