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Hi Happy Cow
How are you?
I have been following your advice column rather avidly and I noticed that you often write about loving, accepting and letting go. I wonder if you could give me some advice on how I can do this in the situation I am going to describe.
I have a very, very good friend, we are really close, share the ups and the downs and talk, talk and talk even more if that is possible. My friend, I'll call her Sophia, is extremely charismatic and magnetic. Every story she tells sounds like a great adventure, even if it is only a trip to the supermarket. But over the last year or so, I have found myself questioning things. I love her but some of the things she describes to me go completely against loving. For example, she has quite a lot of paid help in her home. When one of her employees went off on maternity leave, she refused to pay her maternity pay until she actually returned from her leave, as an incentive to get her to return.
That's one example and to be honest I could come up with more small examples, but really it is about a feeling I have when I am with her which seems to be less and less pleasurable as I watch her put people down and do things that I fundamentally disagree with. I don't want to judge her and I have commented when something occurs with which I don't agree. What I fear is that I am becoming a judge and not accepting who she is, which is a little more different from me than I thought. I am confused about the uncomfortable feelings I have and my desire not to judge.
I look forward to reading your thoughts,
Daphne, Plymouth
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