Dear Happy Cow

The other night my lover said to me that 'we are all connected'. That we are 'one'. Immediately I responded that I am not sure I buy into all that. He spoke about the tangible things of my life as being illusions and I pushed that idea to the side. It isn’t as if I hadn’t heard this before. I have read new age literature, I am familiar with the idea that we are all a big mass of energy, that our bodies are illusions. My response to this is, ‘nice idea, but I’m really not sure I go along with any of that. Fine for you but not for me. I am very happy as I am and I do not need to embrace that philosophy.’

Then last night I started thinking about what it was about the assertion that ‘we are one’ that didn’t sit well with me? I wondered how one could maintain their uniqueness and still be One with everyone else. It is the unique qualities of each person that makes them attractive (or not?). I could not reconcile the notion of ‘Oneness’ and ‘uniqueness’. How do they sit together? Does this One function like a heart or a machine? It is one machine with lots on components that together make One. In that case is it the idea of Yin and Yang? Are we a meadow of wild flowers, each one of us beautiful wild and free and together making up One luscious meadow. This is beautiful. Yet I struggle to part with the idea of uniqueness. I know that this is generated by ego, my ego’s need to define who and what I am. I hear myself shout, ‘We are One, but what about Me?!’

When did my need for self definition become so prevalent? I shun titles because I don’t like people defining me. Yet when someone tells me this body is an illusion, that my belief of ‘who I am’ are an illusion I can hear myself shouting in my head, ‘STOP! No it is not. I am unique, you are unique and we have these qualities.’ Why is that so important to me? How can the two be married together? Or do I really have to shed one to make room for the other? Why is self definition negative? Is it not useful at times? Are positive definitions also divisive? Does being One mean being the same? Happy Cow, how can I be One and Unique?

Wild Flower

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