Dear Happy Cow,

I'll keep this brief because my head is spinning from thinking about it so much. I have been married for 12 years. My husband suffers from depression or SAD or something. He is pretty much in a bad mood from October to April every year. We have three kids who keep me very busy and I am totally delighted with them. However, I feel I am going it on my own. Because my husband is depressed he is either in bed saying he is ill or he goes out for long periods of exercise to help his mood. The latter does help but it means he isn't around much. He has missed birthdays, Christmas, holidays with friends, and many other social events on a rather frequent basis because he says he is ill. He goes to the doctor regularly but nothing changes.

The problem for me is that to get through my day and all that I need to do (there isn't much time left for what I would like to do), I feel I have to completely cut off from him emotionally. There is a lot to do and I need to get on with it. Maybe I feel angry with him for not participating, for telling me how difficult his life is. I am now on automatic pilot. He complains or says he is ill and I respond "Oh dear!" If I love him unconditionally why can't I accommodate this part of him? I'm tired. I'm at my wits end and I don't know how to move things forward.

Samantha, New York

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