Dear Daphne

Thank you very much for your letter and for your interest in our website. I am very well. Thanks for asking. The grass is particularly green and lush this time of year.

It is important to understand that there is a distinct difference between stating your personal dislike for one or more of your friend's actions and judging them as a person. This world is full of contrast and it is this contrast which enables us to understand what we like and don't like and therefore how we can continually improve our lives. So, if you see your friend acting in a manner which you dislike, this is an opportunity for you to affirm that you want your life to be different from that. That is how each of us forms our personal goals. But it is important to understand that your personal preferences and your goals are your own and you do not have any right to impose them on another person's life.

From our very limited perspective, it is often difficult to understand why situations which seem very unpleasant to us need to occur. If we take the example of your friend and her employee, this situation may be necessary in both their lives so that they can better understand what they do and do not want. Your friend's employee may better understand that she does not wish to be treated in this manner and so begin to seek an improved situation. She may grow in strength and learn to stand up for her rights. She may better understand that she is free to make her own life choices and may find the courage to do so. Your friend may eventually learn that it feels bad to act from a position of fear and mistrust, and she may in future choose a more trusting and loving approach from which everyone benefits.

Think of some relationships that you have had during the course of your life. I am sure that almost all of us have been in relationships which we can now see were far from ideal, but they were necessary to help us clarify what we want our relationships to be like. As such, they were a very important part of our learning and our personal growth.

You have every right to state your opinion to your friend about the situation, but understand that your opinion is always just that: one opinion formed from one limited perspective. There are many other perspectives which are equally valid and from which quite different opinions could be formed. You can state your disagreement, voice your opinion and leave it at that, understanding that your friend is a being who is continually growing and learning in this world of contrast as we all are. You cannot really know the intricate path that has led her to be the person she is today, and you cannot know what path lies ahead of her or the person she will become.

Keep loving your friend and allow her to make her own mistakes and learn her own lessons from them. Experiencing darkness allows us to recognise the light when it shines.

Much love to you,

Happy Cow

<< Back to Daphne's letter

If you are in need of some advice and think Happy Cow may be able to help, please e-mail her at: advice@happycow.org.uk.

Join the Happy Cow Facebook Group!