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Dear Mike
Firstly, I commend you for continuing to express love for your mother who from an outside perspective is clearly
engaging in very unpleasant emotional coercion that is tantamount to bullying. You must stand up against that.
You must explain to her that it is completely unacceptable. You will make yourself and her extremely unhappy if you don't.
Children are individuals in their own right. They need to be brought up in a happy, loving environment.
To bring a child into this world to try to 'fix' an already rocky relationship would be an extremely selfish
thing to do. You cannot gamble with other people's lives like that, however small they happen to be.
It is crucial to understand that you are not responsible for other people's happiness. They are. You are responsible
for your own happiness and when you truly pursue that, you will automatically be the best person you can be in all your
relationships. That might mean telling people things they don't want to hear. It might mean doing things they don't want
you to do. This is always far better than everyone involved living in a prison of their own self-deceit.
Also, there is no need to see things as either black or white. There is no reason why you and your wife cannot get a divorce
and continue to be good friends. There is no reason why she cannot continue to have a good relationship with your mother.
There is no reason why you can't all continue to love each other. Marriage is just a man-made institution. Love knows
nothing of marriage. Love is completely unconditional. While your mother and your wife are stating conditions which must be met (or else),
then they are also stating very clearly that theirs is not a position of love, but one of selfish wanting.
Whenever we go against our own happiness to please other people, we always end up making everyone unhappy.
Good luck and remember your decisions are your own,
Happy Cow
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