Now more than ever you have to hold your nerve. You have to remain constant where she fluctuates.
You have to be a model of integrity for your son and maintain your position in fighting for his rights.
Your ex has already shown that she isn't sure about what she is doing. Maybe she has been influenced by
others to change her mind. I wouldn't put it past some solicitors to keep themselves in pocket, or maybe
her family or friends.
The point is, she isn't sure that what she is doing is right. You most definitely are. That gives you
a significant advantage when it comes to fighting on. Who is going to crack first in such circumstances?
Never the person who is certain.
Maybe if she is really devious, this was all a game to shake you up some more. If that's the case,
you must hold firm and show her that she can try anything and you will never give up.
Most of all you must show your son that even if one of his parents lets him down, the other most certainly
"Fight one more round. When your arms are so tired that you can hardly lift your hands to come on guard,
fight one more round. When your nose is bleeding and your eyes are black and you are so tired that you wish
your opponent would crack you one on the jaw and put you to sleep, fight one more round - remembering that
the man who always fights one more round is never whipped."
- James Corbett
Don't underestimate the massive stigma that society places on a woman who gives up custody of her
own child voluntarily.
It may be that your ex wants to do the right thing, and that was shown by the fact that
she (temprorarily) came to an agreement with you. It might be that she realises that your son
will ultimately be better off staying with you. But she will be faced with a massive pressure
from peers, family and society as a whole, telling her that giving up custody of your child makes
you a bad person.
In this instance I think it would not make her a bad person. It would make her a brave and honest
person to admit that you are a much more natural parent and that your son is better off staying with you.
It is easy when going through this nasty experience to just think that your ex is just plain 'evil'.
But real life isn't like that. People are faced with pressure from all angles and females are not renowned
for being good at making firm decisions like men are.
Sometimes it pays to put yourself in the other's shoes for a short while and try to get inside their
mind before deciding on your strategy.
This is just something to think about. Sometimes things get adversarial and get out of hand.
Showing that you have at least a little bit of understanding of her position could be the thing
that brings her back to the negotiation.
Good luck. Use your love for your son to stay strong.
<< Back to Tim's letter
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