I blame you. I blame you for everything, for changing me in so many ways. I used to not care, about anything, and I was
perfectly happy that way. Then I met you and you ruined it all. Yet I regret nothing. You see? That is your power over me.
You have total control and I hate it, but I love you more then anything. It's like without my opinion, my heart gave itself to you.
But my mind does not agree.
"He is so perfect, I don't know why but I want him."
"No," my brain scorns "You are just going to get hurt, and you know it."
"I do not, I know that he has told me he would take care of me, and give me a companion."
"Are you mentally ill?" My brain asks in disbelief. "Look what he has done to so many others like you. what makes you so
different? Nothing. You are plain. one in a million. You will give yourself to him, and he will put you on a shelf admiring you,
and eventually, you will become nothing more than an ornament. You will collect dust, and then one day, he will throw you out,
just like every one before you."
"You're wrong!" My heart screams back. "He has told me I am different, and I believe him. The deed is done, I belong to him.
There is no changing that now. I'm here to stay."
"Fool!" My brain yells, horrified. "You will be trampled on before this is through! Yes, he says that he will take care of you,
but actions speak louder than words my dear sweet, sensitive heart, and look at his actions. He has already damaged you, bent
you to the point of breaking!"
"But he fixed me!" My heart argues passionately. "He came back and helped me back into shape. He kept his promise!"
"You are a stubborn fool, heart. You will not look at this logically. You will not give up until he has broken you past the
point of no return."
"I don't care. I refuse to believe that will ever happen. He promised."
"But words are words. and you follow blindly. I gave you the benefit of the doubt, and let you lead without question, but the
minute he bent you, I felt the need to warn you. I am only trying to protect you my sweet, little heart."
"I refuse to believe that. You just want your own way, for you are just as stubborn as I ever was."
And so they bicker on and on. Every day, every night, every moment. each refusing to see the other one's perspective.
So I went to my brain one quiet night, while my heart was with you, and I asked him in a scared and hurt tone, "Why do you argue
with the heart? Why will you not agree, and give me peace?"
My brain looked at me in pity. "I am only trying to save heart, for it is foolish and young and does not know what it does."
"But why can you not just let it learn on its own!?"
"Because I must keep it wary of what is to come. Because if it is not warned, and goes in blind, there will be no chance of ever
coming back to you."
And so I cry and plead and beg for my mind to just agree with heart and make him stop going through such unbearable agony and ache.
"Fine, I will make a compromise," it said to me in a hoarse whipser, almost as if it was disgusted with itself. "If he can go for
even a while, without even hurting our dear heart in the slightest, then I will agree with heart, and let it lead you, without
argument. just as I did in the beginning."
And so I wait, waiting for the day you will let them agree. waiting for the day until I can love you with all that heart is and
not be bothered by brain. I wait for the day that they will join into one, but I fear that day will never come. Brain keeps me
wary every day that that day is a myth, and yet heart always gives me hope, promising me that it is right, and it knows what is
true and sees what brain does not. Every moment of my being, I hope, pray, and wish that heart will be right.
And so this is the part where you must come in and decide what you will do. Will you leave heart to collect dust and prove brain
right? Or will you stay and work it out and mend heart everytime you hurt it? Or will you simply choose neither? Will you just
keep playing one against the other, until slowly they both slip into utter insanity, and fall apart, and leave me empty.
It is up to you now, all up to you.
The Happy Cow website and all articles on it are created entirely voluntarily and free of charge. However, if you feel that anything on the site has been of value to you, you may wish to make a voluntary contribution to the upkeep of the site. Click on the 'Donate' button below.
If you have an inspiring tale or some interesting philosophy to share with us, please feel free to e-mail your ideas to
Get a regular dose of happiness in your e-mail inbox when you sign up for Happy Cow's Weekly Moos e-mail newsletter!
Join the Happy Cow Facebook Group!
[Unfortunately, JS-Kit Comments have moved onto pastures new and can no longer supply us with their rather brilliant comments widget. Ah, well! Maybe one day another splendid and free widget will wander this way. Until then, please feel free to shout at us by clicking the 'Contact Us' button above.]