About a year or so ago I was having an online conversation with a group of female friends. We were discussing the relatively new romantic relationship that one of the wonderful feminine crew had recently become involved in.
Some way into the conversation, my sparkling friend informed the rest of us that she had not yet had 'the DTR Talk' with her devilishly handsome counterpart. Being what is commonly known in my native England as 'a bloke', I had absolutely no idea what this meant and asked her to elaborate further.
She went on to explain that 'DTR' stands for 'Define the Relationship'. It seemed that she felt that at some point in every romantic relationship there comes a time when it is necessary to discuss with your partner where each of you thinks the relationship is going and what each of you wants for the future. I was somewhat amazed, not only that such a concept as 'the DTR Talk' existed but also that it was so well established that there was an abbreviation for it! However, the other ladies in the conversation seemed to understand her well.
We went on to have a little bit of jokey banter about what else 'DTR' might stand for. The prize for the funniest one went to The Marvellous Magical Musical Oracle, also known as Bec Rhodes with 'Demand the Ring!'
So why am I telling you all this?
Well, at the time I remember being a little astonished that people had the notion of such a thing, but I did not think on it for too long as I was busy laughing at the comic alternatives. But recently I have been pondering the idea that engaging in the DTR Talk may well sound a death knell for love. Why do I think this?
Let us examine the word 'define'.
From Chambers Online Dictionary we get the definitions:-
1. to fix or state the exact meaning of
2. to make clear the outline or shape of something
It is also mentioned that the word derives from the Latin verb 'definire' - to set boundaries to.
To set boundaries to......to fix or state the exact meaning.....to make clear the shape..... Hmmm. Are these really things that we should be trying to do with boundless and infinite Love?
Each human being is a unique, incomparable individual. It follows, therefore, that every relationship we have with another unique and incomparable individual is going to be a unique relationship. We cannot use any other relationship we have had as reference. We cannot hope to predict the future based on what has happened in the past.
Imagine growing a tree and then at some arbitrary time in its growth deciding to erect a concrete building around it, defining a fixed area in which the tree will be allowed to grow. This will kill most young trees. Only the oldest and strongest trees which are firmly rooted will survive, and these will only survive because their great strength is able to break through the concrete so that they are free and can be nourished by the sunlight once more.
Every relationship is unique and it is organic. For the best chance of long term survival, it should be allowed to grow naturally, to take any direction at any time. I propose a new abbreviation. I have subtly changed just one letter.
Instead of DTR, I propose LTR. Do not define the relationship, LIVE the relationship.
Think not of the future. Love only ever happens NOW, in this moment. Let go your control. Relax, trust Love and enjoy the magical mystery tour it takes you on.
"Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself."
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