The following questions and answers have all been fished directly from the Thought Pool and typed out while they were still wet and flapping about. The question will likely arise, 'Who is asking the questions? Who is answering?' A very good question! As usual, when we really look closely into it, we have no idea who is doing either.
Q: Does God exist?
A: There is really no point asking that question unless the question 'Do you exist?' has been addressed. As soon as that is looked into closely, it becomes clear that the words 'You', 'God' and 'Existence' are just three different names for the same intermittent natural phenomenon. There are also many other names available. Bruce has no preferences about which word is used.
Q: Everyone is God talking. Why not keep quiet and listen?
A: Perhaps I might if the Great Big Jabbering Eedjit toned it down a bit. Once there was a disco. The DJ put on 10 different tracks all at the same time and turned up the volume. The dance floor very quickly cleared. God might be described as the ultimate loud-mouthed show off - Ego taken to the Universal level, desperately seeking attention. 'Look at me! Look at me! Look what I can do! See this galaxy here? See this mountain range? See these flowers? See this beautiful painting? See this poem? .... Like me! Like me! Worship me! Worship me!' After a while, that all just gets rather tiresome, and so attention moves away from it. Old Beardykins is trying WAY too hard to get noticed.
Q: Is there a force controlling The Universe?
A: Yes. Well, I say yes, but controlling is a bit strong. The universe is run by The Grand High Cosmic Chicken on behalf of Bruce Forsyth. The thing is, Bruce didn't really tell The Grand High Cosmic Chicken what he wanted Her to do, and even if He had, She wasn't really listening, as there was something good on the radio. So, She kind of makes it up as She goes along. Bruce watches on, serene as always.
Q: What is the Grand High Cosmic Chicken like?
A: Very much like a regular chicken, only much grander, a lot higher and considerably more cosmic.
A: Well, she was struggling just after Christmas, but she ate a bit less grass, laid off the silage completely and did some running up and down the Happy Pasture, and now she can just about do up the buttons if she pulls her belly in.
Q: Why don't you take our questions seriously?
A: Why do you take your questions seriously?
Q: If, as you admit, all that you are saying is ulitmately nonsense, then why do you bother to keep on talking?
A: That brown stuff that comes out of the anus at regular intervals - would it be a good idea to take steps to keep that inside? Would that be likely to lead to a healthy state of affairs?
The Happy Cow website and all articles on it are created entirely voluntarily and free of charge. However, if you feel that anything on the site has been of value to you, you may wish to make a voluntary contribution to the upkeep of the site. Click on the 'Donate' button below.
If you have an inspiring tale or some interesting philosophy to share with us, please feel free to e-mail your ideas to
contributions@happycow.org.uk.
